Hi I'm Zoe, I am a dedicated fangirl of the night, and require a Wi-Fi connection more so than oxygen. I am Anime and Kpop trash. I also like reblogging funny posts and pictures of cats!
sometimes I randomly think about the time a girl posted in this girls only Facebook group I’m in telling everyone how she broke up with her boyfriend and he lied saying that he lost the spare key she gave him, only to then break into her apartment when she wasn’t home and steal the cat they’d adopted while they were together, but then he denied having done this and she didn’t really have proof that he took the cat since he wouldn’t let her come into his place and look for it. And then another girl saw this post and knew her ex-boyfriend, and she was like “girl. I used to hook up with your mans back in xxxx and I still have his number. If you want, I’ll hit him up and get him to invite me back to his place and see if your cat’s there.” And the OP was like “bet.”
So this woman hit up homie dog, asked him out for drinks, went home with him, slept with him, and then woke up in the middle of the night and TOOK THE CAT. Like she had only said that she would confirm if the cat was there but then she took it upon herself to steal this woman’s cat back. Like she full on Trojan horsed this man and then hit up homegirl like “I got the goods. Where you wanna meet.” And then the two of them posted a photo of them together with the cat to the group.
And I just think women supporting women is so beautiful.
hey since i’m occasionally giving out adult advice. anyone wanna know my very adult and very boring and very sensible suggestion for grief gifts for friends and family when someone close to them dies
alright. this is shamelessly stolen from my godparents when they did this when my grandma passed about ten years ago, and since then i’ve been on both sides of this and it’s surprisingly thoughtful and useful. this is particularly important when people are like, in charge of funeral prep, but anyone who just heard someone close to them just died is gonna be in a certain headspace, so it probably works regardless. people are gonna be sending cards and flowers and other very nice, but ultimately useless gifts.
don’t do that. go to the grocery store and order one of those deli party platters. the ones with like, four different kinds each of meats and cheeses, maybe some sides, and veggies, and bread, and condiments. get the vegetarian version if you know they’re vegetarians. whatever. you know better than i how many people are gonna be eating it, but guess maybe, like, four day’s worth of food.
because, here’s the thing. cards and flowers are very nice, and remind you that you’re in people’s thoughts. but you know what you just. don’t even want to think about when someone dies? making dinner. going to the grocery store. ordering takeout. whatever. you don’t want to have to think about food. you just want to eat in between planning a funeral and working through your grief.
without getting too into it, when my grandma died, we were thrown for a loop. and we ate nothing but what was on that goddamned deli platter for days. because it was quick and easy and fresh and tasted good and we didn’t have to think about food. and ten years later, i don’t remember those cards or flowers, but i sure as hell remember the deli platter.
so next time someone’s going through something, when a family member or close friend just passed. go to your nearest grocery store, and if you can, walk a deli platter over to their place. as soon as you can after you hear. they may look at you weird when you hand it to them, but trust me, in the long run they’re gonna thank you.
^^This
Food helps. I don’t remember the cards & flowers. What I DO remember is the amazing lasagna somebody made me. It fed me for a week during a time when I was simply incapable of finding or preparing meals. The deli platter is an interesting twist on that and I’m filing that away for sure.
honeybaked ham delivers
When my dad died, everything was a black blur of grief and nobody could even really approach taking basic care of ourselves. A family friend made and brought over a HUMONGOUS batch of jambalaya, and it is basically the chief reason nobody fainted from hunger.
When my father died 18 years ago: I remember that friends and family had flowers delivered and that was nice - but I don’t even remember what kind of flowers or colors.
I remember my mom’s best friend at the time landing on our doorstep with BAGS of groceries that fed us for a couple of weeks.
When my mother died nearly a year ago: I know that a cousin ordered a bouquet of flowers and they were lovely.
What I remember is my mom’s friends landing in my doorstep with bags of groceries that kept me going for a while so I didn’t have to think about feeding myself because I was absolutely lost in a sea of grief and being suddenly Alone and just in a daze of “What the fuck just happened? Why am I alone? Where are you? WHY AM I ALONE? What do I do now?”
When my body finally DEMANDED I ingest sustenance - I didn’t have to think about it; I just went for the easy stuff and got it done with.
This is why Jews sit shiva. You have to take a week to grieve and have people bring you food and emotional support, it’s honestly something I wish more cultures had. We don’t need flowers we need people to help us hold ourselves together, and sometimes that means just bringing a plate of cheese and crackers so the grieving person doesn’t have to cook.
Yes! If you or the person who is grieving lives in a Jewish area, you can usually find a Jewish deli that offers Shiva Platters.
If it’s a good one, they’ll call the grieving folks and work out what they need and when to make sure they are helping the best way they can.
My mom and I both work for the state, specifically in IT in different but related areas; almost everyone in our units knew both of us pretty well sometimes for years or decades, either having worked with one or both of us, worked near one or both of us, or in a couple of cases, changed my diapers.
When my dad died, my unit’s condolences were a MASSIVE MASSIVE MASSIVE variety sandwich tray from Jason’s Deli and all the things that hygo with giant sandwich platters (chips, fruit tray, cookie tray, potato salad maybe? some other things, this is like the BIG PARTY PACK or something). I mean, even with me, mom, two sisters, four kids, a BIL, and a sister’s boyfriend, that was five days of food at minimum. Mom’s unit, on the other hand, sent both cash–not loose cash, someone took the time to convert it into practical tens and twenties–and one or two extremely generous Visa cards.
(I”m ninety-nine percent sure this was a collaborative effort between our units.)
Simple food that required no effort whatsoever even in ‘washing dishes’, just pick up and chew; cash so we’d have that on hand if we needed it without having to go to an ATM or the bank or remember where the debit card is; the Visa gift cards because we work for the state, our names and salaries are not only public knowledge but PUBLISHED IN THE NEWSPAPER EVERY YEAR, and funerals and incidentals are expensive, especially when you don’t see them coming and you’re a public servant.
It was the most intensely practical and also utterly personal help we
could have possibly gotten: it was exactly what we needed in exactly the form we
needed, and so incredibly kind. It said “we’re sorry for your loss”, but it also said “we grieve with you”.
Grief is always hard and nothing can really help that, but what they did made living with grief so much easier, and I’ve never forgotten that.
My 13 year old cousin came back from a date with her boyfriend and said, “I can’t wait to grow up and spend sunday afternoons with him.” At first, I wanted to laugh (after all they’re just 13), but I remember being 13 and having the world in my hands. I remember getting excited to talk to someone about my dreams and wishes, and how happy these daydreams and fantasies made me. There’s this innocence you can only have at 13 and the world rises and falls and crashes and burns every year… until you do not think about quiet sunday afternoons.
So I asked her about the date and heard her giggle about bubblegum flavored ice cream, and how much she loves this little life. I think she makes me love it too.
-Ritika Jyala, excerpt from The world is a sphere of ice and our hands are made of fire
ALT
